It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
