and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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