I am spending my child support on dildos
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
