I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
