so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
