I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
