While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
