I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
