im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
