maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
