Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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