I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
