She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
