At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
