My liver just broke up with me...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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