I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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