I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
