I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
