why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
