I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
