hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
