you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
