I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
