his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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