who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
a search helicopter?!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
