Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
