so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
