I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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