3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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