Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
