boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
