I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
