The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am naked and annoyed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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