You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is Oprah even human
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
