Acid is not a monday night drug
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
