I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
