Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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