ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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