HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
