So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Everyone says I win the strip club
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
