i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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