What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
