When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
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People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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