My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
