I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
