WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was like eating out sand paper
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
