if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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