All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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