making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
