Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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