giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
