I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
