the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
