Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
