I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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