i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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