ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
