My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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