I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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