Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
