just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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