Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
