Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
