I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
