It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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