got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
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Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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