no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
