And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
